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Thoughts and Journal Fragments
Bitter
July 13th, 2007
The pillows on my childhood bed smell like bitter almonds.
numb
April 24th, 2007
Pink and white pills glazed with sugar
And served with wine and a prayer
Your Sunday home-cooked meal
Can you hear?
October 10th, 2006
Can you hear the lullabies, dreams trapped in-between of worlds, diamonds, sand, broken mirrors and stolen stars?
Lullaby
October 4th, 2006
Hush little girl, drown your last hopes
And all of your hollow dreams
No one will hear your screams.
Sleep little girl, there's nothing more for you to see.
There is no place here for you.
There never was.
Go back to sleep,
Close your eyes, I'll pray for you,
Fall deep, you won't hurt again.
Forever sleep, -and I promise- there will be no more pain.
I don't know who you are
July 29th, 2006
"I don't remember it", he said. But he meant: "You are lying".
A petal for her dreams
July 27th, 2006
A tear from an angel's eyes. It slipped through my hair, across my face and got lost in the rain. My reflection on dirty waters. You will never know me.
tristesse
July 26th, 2006
Blindfolded and bound, she can only use her heart to see you.
The sky was shredded
July 26th, 2006
Where did the girls trapped inside the castle go?
-Didn't you hear?
The stones burned
The sky was shredded
They did try to talk
They did try to yell
but the hot air and the smoke filled their mouths
and killed them
just when they touched the grass.
Haunted. Remember me{?}
June 4th, 2006
What have we done? Time seems so harsh in the daylight. So hard and violent. Almost cruel.
It seems now so hard not to fall apart.
little sister it's not yet time to fly
The tears wet the flowers. They will bloom and they will die.
I blow the dandelions and collect the falling stars that burn my hands. And I still make wishes. I still dream. Almost. Fading so fast.
And yet the memories remain.
Sunsets
If you cut me, I'll bleed; bleed like the last enduring sunset bleeds into the sky. But can you touch me? I'm so afraid to
reach out, afraid to touch the roses, for every time their thorns scar my arms,
scar my soul's wings. If you don't catch me, I'll fall, fall like a dream in the
ocean of opal stalagmites of pain - or is it rain? Is it you that make me cry?
Or is it the dust fallen from stars that becomes butterflies and fly away? Away,
so far away from me. The amethyst shades of serendipity - or is it sorrow? - make me cut myself every time I reach for those crimson roses in the garden of
snow-woven stars.
A different sky
January 15th, 2006
She belongs not in this world. She understands not her violent dreams.
The words she hears - unknown. She speaks a different language, she sees a different sky.
She paints with different colours; she walks alone.
The sun doesn't want her. It laughs at her.
Hurts her eyes every time she looks above.
She can't sing, but she whispers to the white flowers.
She can't cry, but her pain is killing her.
And no one understands her different eyes.
She belongs not in this world.
My angel of the dark, take her away, away from this world that understands not
her poems and kills her everyday.
Light
Let a thousand candles burn
Let a thousand flowers bloom
Let a thousand tears fall
Let a thousand stars come and dispel the gloom
when the stars were new
You can break my wings; you can drown my innocent flowers.
But you can never destroy my soul. For it was made from purity's light, when the stars were new. It was made before the world and bows not in it's mortality.
And I'll rise every time I fall.
She never really loved me.
May 4th, 2006
"I 'll tell you what looks good on you. I 'll let you take my dreams. And I 'll tell you that I love you before the final strike. And never think that I'm doing it for you. Never think that I won't kill you in the end."
untitled
April 2006
I can understand your pain.
I can't understand your hate.
Now.
Then.
I did love you.
Then.
Not now.
We didn't deserve this.
untitled
April 4th, 2006
I know you love me, although you 'll never admit it. And I love you, even though I 'll never tell you. How stubborn we can be. How proud. How stupid. The blood that runs in your veins is like mine. And the memories that haunt me, you carry them too. You are the only one who can understand me. Not lost like me. But hurt. By those that carry in their veins the same blood we do. They believed you, not me. They accepted you, not me. But they hurt us both.
Drowning
April 3rd, 2006
Can you see how the black ink mixes with the rain?
See the tears get lost in a crimson ocean of endless pain.
A heart always waiting, always in vain.
Come now and watch the sun drowning again.
beautiful lies
April 2nd, 2006
("the sun was never intended for me" part II)
Can you comfort me? Lie to me.
Tell me the world is beautiful.
Lie to me so that I can sleep tonight.
I need the comfort of your words.
Of your lies.
For they are beautiful.
And I do need the hope.
Broken
April 2nd, 2006
There is nothing left to lose. Everything has gone away. Not taken, but gone. No hope for return.
Sorrow
March 30th, 2006
Can you handle my sorrow?
Everlasting, haunting every tomorrow?
Can you feel my burden?
The darkness in my heart?
Don't say you love me
For we shall always be apart
The sun was never intended for me
March 29th, 2006
{The sun was never intended for me.}
Only in shadows I can sleep.
Can you feel my burden? I'll never be free.
Can you feel my pain? It goes too deep.
Can you comfort me? Lie to me.
We both know there is no heaven.
But we long for forgiveness.
Salvation - to be saved from the darkness.
Just lie to me
Like I lie to you everyday
For I've never seen the light
And you don't want to see the night
Inside of me
Butterfly Dreams
April 1st, 2006
Do you remember my name? You never said it right. But you kept smiling. You reminded me of something out of child's smile. Innocence.
There is no hope
March 17th, 2006
The flowers have withered. Dry and dead they rot under the sky of fake stars. The wind cries in agony. Tormented screams that no one hears. And a heartbeat so loud that cracks the walls. Pain so sharp that breaks the window glass. But there is no escape. The fire will burn everything. It won't stop until there are only ashes. There is no hope. No relief. Only death. And silence.
beneath an ocean of tears
February 6th, 2006
Colour ruins my drawings, the sunlight hurts my eyes. I can't let go, I don't want the laughter to deafen me. It sounds so loud. So cruel. And I don't anymore know if I believe in angels. I don't need salvation. Not the songs. Just the silence. Let the rain never stop. Let it flood me beneath the ocean of tears.
I rather burn bright before the night fades
Rather than live to see all the ages of the earth
And never feel any warmth
Cosmos
World, we share you by day.
But by night we are lost
We dream and we are nevermore the same
And World, you are not one
But millions
Do they measure life based on death? Love with pain?
Where I grew up they count the distance based on the span of smoking a cigarette.
It's sad. It's sad that their voices get lost in the gas fumes of the city.
It's sad that no one sees anyone. No one hears anything.
It's sad that they use poison to measure their lives.
Broken
Angels, how could you let me fall?
Men, how could you shoot my wings?
Self, how could you break?
It wasn't time.
I was just learning to fly.
Now I never will.
There is a hole in the sky
January 26th, 2006
I have no more words. Drowned in the mist of yesterday - I have lost everything.
My smile is fake
March 28th, 2004
She paints a smile
She dries her tears
She covers her scars
She closes the eyes to her dreams,
Swallows some pills,
Takes her coat
And leaves.
Another day begins.
Fake
March 28th, 2004
Empty glasses, used lipsticks
Half-burned cigarettes
Dead roses
Broken bottles
Torn letters
Crushed dreams
We all look the same
But my smile is fake
Trapped
I'm trapped in this world... alone and fading... misunderstood and crying... I'm trapped in a world of fear... surrounded by pain... pain and tears...
Fragments
November 16th, 2003
When will you hear my calling?
When will these tears stop falling?
... all that's left is pain and tears...
just tears
just fragments of broken dreams
just faded star gleams
and pain
I'm drowning again...
Pretending
November 13th, 2003
Keep on pretending...
Pretending and pretending...
That's all it matters... Hide behind a fake smile. Hide behind a lie that everyone believes.
Keep on smiling. Keep on hiding.
Everyone likes you better this way.
Freeze your tears. Freeze your heart.
Stop feeling, stop dreaming. Pretend you feel no pain. Pretend there is no rain.
Keep on pretending. Keep on dying. Slowly. Painfully.
Keep on going. And die smiling.
Even death will be a lie. For the light was lost long before.
White Dove
Ένα περιστέρι στο κρύο χώμα
Βάφονται κόκκινες οι φτερούγες του.
Ένα μισοσβημένο τσιγάρο, ένας κρότος
και σπασμένα γυαλιά.
Σπασμένα όνειρα, σπασμένοι κόσμοι.
Ο πόλεμος.
Κρύβω το πρόσωπο μου σε ένα
τριαντάφυλλο.
Τ' αγκάθια με πληγώνουν.
Γίνομαι ένα με τα κόκκινα ποτάμια.
Ένα με το πλήθος. Και φωνάζουμε όλοι.
Σφίγγω το τριαντάφυλλο. Θα πεθάνω το ξέρω.
Μα δε με νοιάζει.
Φτάνει που πρόλαβα και φώναξα: Όχι στον πόλεμο.
written in early 2001
