Rosedreams.net

The following was originally written for Wicked IB (wicked-ib.winter-flower.net) by me as a joke, please don't redistribute without asking me and/or crediting me.

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Aaarg!:

A very common cry among IB students. Typically indicates frustration, despair, sleep deprivation, depression.

Acute:

1. Mathematical term, Acute Angle: an angle less than 90 degrees

2. Used to describe unpleasant conditions that the IB student is suffering from, such as acute stress (extreme stress)

Anton LaVey:

Founder of the Church of Satan and silent partner in the International Baccalaureate Organization. Although he died in 1997, the IBO secretly still follows his writings and teachings.

Biology lab:

A room from which comes a weird smell - something like boiling liver, rotten food, dead bodies, and stuff you don't really want to know about.

Blood:

That red fluid that can be found in students' caffeine system

CAA:

Also credited as CAFAA: Caffeine-Addicts Anonymous. A non-profit organization aimed to help IB graduates who are addicted to caffeine.

Caffeine:

1. Addictive, legal drug of choice for IB students. Found in coffee, tea, chocolate, coke, Red-Bull and caffeine pills.

2. Sleep substitute.

3. Means of survival.

Warning: Can cause nervous breakdown, but don't worry, being an IB student alone will do that anyway.

Captain Angry and the Bad Mood:

Band who sings the infamous song: "I hate T.O.K."

CAS:

Creativity, Action, Service. 150 hours of CAS are required from IB students.

Creativity: Being creative: Trying to imagine the best way to collect 150 hours without actually doing anything. Also finding a way to convince your CAS coordinator that drinking vodka on a Friday night is actually good for the community and you deserve at least 20 hours.

Action: Completing the CAS portfolio is an action. So does sleeping. {Yes, your brain fully functions when you are asleep. You can provide evidence for that. - That will be 15 hours.} Additionally, running like mad in a vain effort to make it in class on time, is an intense action that should count for CAS.

Service: Throwing your trash on the ground is a service to the community, since more trash cleaners are needed and thus you help people find a job. At least 100 hours should be rewarded for that.

CAS portfolio:

A dossier of sheets given to the student by the CAS coordinator. The student then fills it with a list of activities they never did, but think it would be nice if they had; signed by the student and his/her best-friend(s).

Chemistry Lab:

A place where experiments that require the mixing of unlabelled, rarely harmless, chemicals are held. If you see smoke, RUN.

Class:

"I came, I saw, I got bored, I left and went for coffee" or "I came, I heard, I fell asleep" etc.

Deadline:

Time to start working on that assignment...

Devil:

1.Where people who achieve 45 points have sold their souls to

2.The deity that the people involved in the IBO worship

Extra Candidate:

1. An individual who selects 7 instead of 6 subjects, but later they realize what they have done and drop the extra subject (extra subject: the one with the most workload)

2. A masochist

Geneva:

A place in Switzerland where the IBO plots for the suffering of millions of students

Graphic calculator:

1. A machine that a math teacher uses to calculate 12+2=?

2. A tool used for writing text messages to the person sitting next you, while pretending you are explaining to them how to make the graph.

3. Just another way not to pay attention to what a math teacher says.

Group-4-Project:

A nice, big, colourful poster with images and text - that the students copied and pasted from the web - written in a very small font - so no one can read anything - with the title of the project and the names of the students, who "worked" on it, written with a large font on the top of the paper. Only a photograph of the individuals holding the project is sent out, so the smaller the font used for the content, the less work for the students, since no one will ever be able to read anything. And no one will bother. Just wear clean clothes and smile. Looking innocent is encouraged. But don't overdo it.

Group study:

Three or more students sitting together watching TV while one of them does all the work and then distributes it to the rest, who whine for being interrupted during the good part of the movie. See also Team Work

Homework:

1.Work a student is supposed to do at home, but usually does five minutes before class (or during another class - never during a break though. Breaks are for kicking empty bottles around.)

2. Useless work that absorbs all creativity and aims in ensuring that the student has no free time

3. Exercises given to a student by a math teacher to be solved later by a private teacher, since the mathematician has no idea how to solve them or is too bored to solve them

4. An excuse to get a computer and spend hours in front of the screen (probably playing Tetris, Warcraft or Worms 3D) and pretending you are writing that history essay (which was probably due yesterday)

IBO:

International Baccalaureate Organization

IBS:

IB therefore I bullshit

IBSHC:

IB Student Help and Counseling - An organization that helps IB graduates to become again a part of the real world and get over the fact that they wasted two years of their lives.

Imaginary numbers:

Invention of mathematicians (√i = -1). Such think doesn't exist. When mathematicians cannot find a solution to a problem they just make up one. However, a made up solution given by a student, is by no means accepted.

Institution:

The IB student's destination. Can either be an Institution of Higher Education (college or university) or a mental institution.

Lab Coat:

A white robe to wear during a chemistry or biology lab. You wouldn't want thick smelly green stuff on your clothes, would you? Also, it makes it easier to spot the blood in case things go wrong.

Lab equipment:

Two cheap microscopes, an expensive broken one, a box with rulers and pencils {donated by the "Lost-Found-But-Never-Asked-For" section of the school}, unlabelled tubes containing green, blue and orange bubbling liquids, dirty kitchen knives, a slide-projector, a blackboard and a locked closet where the bodi... tools are kept.

Lab report:

A description of what you did in the lab. Usually, the experiment is a complete failure or you were too bored to do it, so you start the lab report by writing the results you would like to have obtained and then you imagine what you could have done to get those results.

Miracle:

What a student relies on before a test/examination.

Moderation:

An evil mechanism to ensure that the IB student will never get a high mark (even if they bribe or sleep with the teacher).

Participant:

Politically correct for Experimental Subject, Guinea-Pig. A term commonly used in IB Psychology to intentionally trick the individual into thinking they are just a volunteer who takes part in an experiment and nothing bad will happen to them.

Predicted grades:

Grades you are never going to get.

Sleep:

Sleep ≠ IB. There is no sleep. Only coffee and caffeine pills.

Social life:

Huh?

Ranking:

A way to develop among students mistrust, jealously, suspicion, extreme antagonism and aggression. Individual feelings may include depression, hopelessness and frustration. Other than that, it serves no actual purpose.

Rational:

R. number: A number that can be expressed as the ratio of two integers. / R. student: A non-IB student

Teacher:

1. Satan's agent or minion

2. A sadist

3. An individual who makes no money

4. An individual who doesn't explain anything in class, but is willing to explain everything after school for a large sum of money.

5. Someone who couldn't make it as college professor

6. {rarely used} An individual who educates and helps the student

Teachers Conventions:

1. Teachers of the same subject gather from all around the world to talk about that subject

2. An excuse for a teacher to go on a holiday on Switzerland and eat chocolates and have a nice time while you are at school studying (or pretending to at least).

3. A meeting of teachers where no one agrees with anyone else and everyone is fighting and swearing. No one has been killed yet. There is still hope though.

Team Work:

If everything goes ok it allows you to do nothing and yet have all the worked ready and done. If things go wrong, it allows you to blame someone else.

Virus:

The reason a student did no homework. Either he/she was sick or the computer crashed and the whole hard-disk was erased (and of course the backup was stolen by two aliens on a flying sheep).

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